This first essay in the series is on how to prevent the involuntary leakage of sexual energy. We will speak more in terms of the controlling of energy, rather than of the physical control of the material manifestations as sexual fluids.
It is more important to focus on learning to work with the energies than to attempt to develop control via mental or muscular power. This is because total relaxation will be an unavoidable requirement later on in the cultivation process, and a habit of using mental and/or physcial force is counterproductive.
One may feel that letting go of control will lead to a premature loss of sexual energy, however this is not the primary cause. Overstimulation is a major factor. We must approach sexual activities mindfully, slowly, with no expectations.
One can (and must) practice the necessary skills at all times throughout the day. If we are habitually mentally overstimulated, then we must practice releasing worrisome thought patterns, or we will lose energy to these intellectual activities.
Likewise, if we are often experiencing dramatic emotional swings, relaxation is quite difficult. The energy required for emotional reactions drains our reserve for other creative and meaningful pursuits.
Lifestyle is an important factor to consider. Stimulants and/or depressants make it more difficult to develop our innate energy control faculties.
Herbs can be helpful, however, keep in mind that natural substances can also be stimulants/depressants, caffeine and alcohol are prime examples. We are not advocating a ban, just presenting things to consider.
Adaptogens are almost essential to cultivation, they have been studied and used for the purpose for centuries. Finding a skilled herbal practitioner knowledgeable on the topic is advisable.
Cultivation revolves around a few basic concepts, not necessarily in liner order, namely keeping energy from dissipating (or leaking), practices that increase or build energy, and just as vital, conscious use of the energy.
If we have excessive leaking, we will not be able to build up as much energy to use. As we cultivate, our energy body grows to accommodate more and more reserve capacity. Correct use of the energy in positive creative outlets can actually increase the energy reserve even more.
It is perfectly natural and normal to have leaking issues in the beginning as we learn cultivation. One must maintain a playful spirit of experimentation and learning. Becoming frustrated is a lead cause of energy leakage.
A lot of advice focuses on the retention of fluids, this is not entirely off course, but retention without stability can cause major problems, both energetically and psychologically. One need only research the scores of spiritual teachers who recommended strict retention or total abstinence who were later in serious trouble for deviance and/or psychosis, to see this in action.
Cultivation is a natural growth process that one must take in its own time. Everyone's energy system is a little different, it is important not to judge one's own process by anyone else's results.
Developing a well-balanced outlook on life, emotionally and mentally, paired with a physically moderate approach, is the first and most fundamental undertaking.
When one is emotionally overladen and/or mentally taxed, energetic and physical leaking is inevitable. While we must build energy, we must be careful to build more than our current body can handle, or we are in danger of losing all, at least temporarily.
One of the worst things to encounter is kundalini prematurely activated, or increased before the body has a chance to grow to requisite containing/management faculties.
This can be corrected, certain energy practitioners can help this problem greatly, but make sure you feel completely comfortable with them before letting them proceed. There are many well-meaning, yet unqualified energy workers out there, unfortunately.
One can and should work on leaking issues solo, but having a consistent partner who is also working on cultivation can be a major asset. The intention must be on developing comfortable security with them, with neither partner attempting to use the other's energy to correct their own energetic deficiencies.
Allow each partner the ability to cease activities if they need to recover relaxation and control. It is important to develop an attitude of abundance with regards to sexuality. Scarcity mindset causes anxiety, which causes leaking.
There is plenty of time to learn proper cultivation, if today is not working out as expected, be grateful, let go and try again at a later time.
Leaking is more of an issue at certain times of the lunar cycle (full moon, for example), at different points in both male (daily) and female (~monthly) personal cycles, and during bad weather, especially anything with pressure changes or electrical activity. When one is tired, sick or otherwise under the weather, cultivation with a partner is not advised.
Yang (masculine) energy peaks in the morning, this is a stimulating time of day. Yin (feminine energy) peaks at night, therefore control and relaxation are naturally easier during this period.
It is a bad habit to use sexual activities as a panacea for other life issues. We must come to cultivation at our best, or our results will reflect our lack of readiness. Having a ritual of preparation, meditating and releasing everything else before practicing mutual cultivation can be very helpful.
In future essays, we will discuss ways to build energy and suggested strategies for using energy without diminishing our reserves.